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- LOCAL BAND HAIKUS -
Part 2

Practice twice a week?
Settle down, there, drill sergeant!
We don’t need dance moves!

What night’s good for me?
Any night but next Friday.
My girlfriend made plans.

Okay, here’s the plan:
We write two more sets of songs,
then we can headline!

T. J. McDooley’s
Billiards, Grill and MicroPub
called about a gig.

It’s still the OzzFest.
Even if we are playing
in the parking lot.

I still don’t get it.
Why do you need a cordless
on such a small stage?

Fuck taking lessons!
My music comes from the heart,
not some lame technique!

The weekly paper,
“Hello Charleston” wants to
do an interview.

Opening for RATT
at next week’s Car and Van show
is a stepping stone.

Fifty-seven bucks
is all we got at the door?
Fuck the opener.

People say we suck
but we make up for sucking
with our energy.

We can’t hire that guy.
He plays bass with his fingers.
That’s totally gay.

I was so wasted
I puked onstage on my amp.
It was fuckin’ cool.

I wear the make-up
so you can make out my face
in both of the lights.

WildMan from T-Rock
said we’re one of the best bands
in Pittsburgh right now.

I got written up
for being late for my shift
at Ryan’s today.

You know what we need
to impress the audience?
A kick-ass backdrop!

Thanks for coming out
and staying through all six bands.
Oh, you missed our set?

That was a great show!
Especially the part when
I did that solo.

Everybody said
they could hardly hear my bass.
I need to turn up.

That A&R guy
will be so disappointed
that he passed on us.

We smoked all that weed
to help us write songs but we
played Tekken instead.

If you were to try
to categorize our sound
you couldn’t do it.

I don’t want to fight
but I think we should feature
more of my singing.

I love The Tadpoles!
They have a chick bass player
with a sweet-ass rack.

Did you see that site
with all those brick walls and shit?
Glad we’re not like that!

 

 
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