Can Get Enough Of You, Baby
a statement released Friday, the Motion Picture Association of America
decreed that, effective immediately, all motion pictures released
in the US and abroad must contain at least one Smashmouth song.
Industry experts were not surprised. "The summer blockbuster
season has been, frankly, a disappointment to us" said Miramax
executive Joel Shapiro, "it seems the only films that are doing
any respectable business are the teen comedy/sex romps. Naturally,
these films all contain at least one Smashmouth song, usually I
Can't Get Enough Of You, Baby. We feel this song somehow contributes
to the success of these films and, call us superstitious, we don't
want to mess with a good thing." This level of ubiquity of
the song in film soundtracks has not been seen since the early nineties
when Little Feat's Let It Roll was featured in nearly sixty-five
percent of all domestic buddy/cop releases.
Like Hendrix With No Accordion
mogul, mother and millionaire, Madonna has been forced tocancel
her August 3rd concert at Continental Airlines Arena in New Jersey
due to laryngitis. "It's maddening" said one of the diva's
many handlers, "she has devised a crude system of communication,
much like Morse code, using an air horn. One prolonged blast means
"Come here!" and two sharp blasts mean "Leave immediately!".
Two short, followed by one long means "I need wiping!"
and so on. It's been tough for all of us." The handler continued
"It's not like she can't do the show. It's all on tape, honey.
It's just that she won't be able to bark orders at us."
impromptu shantytown has been erected on the grounds of Continental
Arena and grief counselors have been dispatched to console the nearly
five-thousand gay Latino males who had been camping out for the
concert. "Honey, Madonna is fierce, with or without her voice!
I just wish Paco and I could have seen her. It's our two month anniversary."
said disappointed fan Ernesto Garcia.
show will not be rescheduled, according to promoter Clear Channel
Entertainment. Refunds will be available at the point of purchase,
and online and telephone orders will be automatically refunded.
much rumor and speculation among some people, apparently, Universal
will be releasing Lost Boyz frontman Mr. Cheeks's solo album John
P. Kelly in late September 2001.
P. Kelly is expected to be a 15-song album loaded with collaborations
between Cheeks and reggae artist Stephan Marley, Goodie MoB's Big
Gipp, Horace Brown and producers Bink! and Easy Mo Bee, among others.
Cheeks is expected to mine new territory on the album. "The
first single will deal with the troubles of paying cash for a Yukon
Denali and the difficulty of acquiring and maintaining a proper
posse." said Cheeks. Universal spokesman, Joel Shapiro said
of the album "Uh, yeah, we're all really excited for Freeky
D or Chicky P or whatever his name is. We fully expect this album
to be a blockbuster for the Hamptons, I mean, The Funky Bunch or
who? I've got another call. Sorry."
Horn Is Spinning In His Grave
music television network, MTV, turned twenty this week. Launched
in1981, the network has been a cultural touchstone for millions.
"I totally remember MTV's round-the-clock coverage of Live
Aid back in '85," recalled thirty six year old Tower Records
manager, Pete Colson, "it was awesome! Remember how Phil Collins
played both the British and the American concerts in the same day
by flying over on the Concorde? That was too cool." Thirty-two
year old aspiring screenwriter, Trish McIlroy, remembered the glory
days of MTV fondly. "We would totally spray our hair up real
big and wear all these vintage dresses like Cindy Lauper. It was
awesome. I guess we really did just want to have fun!"
its inception two decades ago, the network has steadily decreased
the number of actual music videos it airs. Said Colson "They
used to play hours of videos, but now when I turn it on, all they
show are rapper dudes and dudes getting hit in the nuts with shopping
carts. I don't get it. MTV just doesn't speak to me anymore. I do
like that one show, MTV's Teen Dance Party Fun Beach House, though,
because they have all these naked fourteen-year-old girls humping
asked how she would be celebrating the anniversary, original VJ,
Nina Blackwood, said "They're having some big live show where
they're going to trot us out in front of a bunch of kids who don't
know who we are, then clear us out before Jennifer Lopez and her
entourage get there. I guess she doesn't want people looking at
her or something." Also participating in the celebration will
be former VJ, Lyle Troyer. Troyer recalled his days on the network:
"I was on for about three weeks in '87. I got to interview
singer, Jonathon Davis has contributed vocals to a track off of
Deadsy's sophomore release Commencement. Davis recorded the
track while on a break from recording of Korn's fifth album My
Mom Made Me Wear Husky Jeans. Deadsy features Elijah P. Exeter
(a.k.a. Elijah Blue Allman, son of Cher and Gregg Allman). Deadsy's
album was originally recorded in 1999 but was held back due to what
label execs call "extreme suckiness". The album is now
slated for release in early 2002 on the Dreamworks label. Davis
was excited about the project, stating "I finally met someone
more fucked up than I am. I mean, c'mon, Cher? Gregg Allman? This
guy shaves his eyebrows, snorts FreshStep and walks around with
a Mrs. Butterworth's bottle up his ass!"
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